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The Gross Movie Pool: Summer 2014

Transformers Not Quite Extinct - Week 9

There are only a few calculable ways to determine the differences between the generations. Those who think Life was a magazine and those who think Life was a board game. Those who believe a moose as something that goes with squirrel and those who believe it goes with hair. Those who feel sex on a beach is a goal and those who feel it's a drink (by the way, no one's ever felt of a Long Island Ice Tea as a goal). Finally, those who associate 4th of July weekend as Will Smith time and those who know it's just another Transformers weekend.

'Jersey Boys' Can't Walk and 'Think Like A Man Too' - Week 8

You know it's a weird Summer Movie season when there's a weekend in June dedicated to two counter-programming films. There's nothing wrong with counter-programming films, just ask The Fault in Our Stars who countered it's way past the Edge of Tomorrow main course two weeks ago. However, when you have two counter films with nothing to counter against, it makes you wonder why none of the other studios stepped-up. "Oh no, who could compete with a Death Cab for Cutie concert?!" I dunno, anyone.

'The Fault' in 'Tomorrow'; '22' Jumps, 'Dragon' Hiccups - Weeks 6 & 7

I'm all for surprises as I live by the Groundhog Day motto of "Anything different is good." Sadly, Tom Cruise and his agent probably aren't such fans. Edge of Tomorrow's $28 Million start was very After Earth-like. Comparing your film to anything M. Night Shyamalan's touched in ten years is never a good sign... to anyone... at any time.

'Maleficent' Is The Beauty While 'Million Ways' Sleeps - Week 5

It weird to think it's been awhile since Angelina Jolie's been in a movie because her celebrity status and appearances makes it ever feel like she's in something every single month. However, it's been four years since her 2010 two-fer year of Salt and The Tourist... and only one of those you'll vaguely recall. What, like raising the international awareness of impoverished children and raising six kids is more important than making Tomb Raider 3? Or maybe just make the poster for Tomb Raider 3 since really those were the best parts of the last two films. Regardless, Angelina's return to the silver screen was well received, well timed, and certainly well cast as you can't imagine anyone else being more Maleficenty than Jolie.

Days of Future Past Not Second Class - Week 4

Fans of the X-Men series were treated to Something Old (Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen may pre-date Edison's movie camera), Something New (Kitty Pride now has time mind powers because... uh, no one knows), Something Borrowed (Pretty sure Jennifer Lawrence just took her wardrobe from American Hustle for use in this film), and Something Blue (or is that Blown as in any chance for these films to ever actually connect with all the continuity errors). Regardless, it was the biggest X-Men opening in eight years and that's just was 20th Century Fox was looking for.

Godzilla Rises From The Depths To Top The Box-Office - Week 3

For years Warner Bros. had dropped big-budget remakes or adaptations the second weekend of May to Paris Hilton singing-career results. Speed Racer spun out, Poseidon was adrift, and Dark Shadows never got in the black (last year's The Great Gatsby was the sole exception). Finally, this year they said "How about we open two weeks after the first big summer film and actually make a movie people might want to see." Ta-dah!

Spidey's Already Out Of Web Fluid As Neighbors Move In - Week 2

It's hard to figure why The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is generating some backlash. For those who didn't think the characters talked enough in the Sam Raimi Spider-Mans, get ready for Aaron Sorkin here. For those who were tired of super-villains being more interesting than the heroes, well thank God for Electro (are we supposed to care because he's blue or because he's electric, because caring about both is way too much). For those who wanted another drawn-out-let's-not-rush-to-the-action-scenes movie, your order's ready.
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