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The Gross Movie Pool: Summer

‘The Mummy’ is Buried; ‘Cars 3’ is in Neutral; ‘Wonder Woman’ is on Fire - Weeks 6 & 7

In the 1999 version of The Mummy they alluded to the ten plagues of Egypt. Universal forgot the 11th plague: Don’t try to reboot The Mummy franchise without Brendan Fraser when he doesn’t even have one foot in the grave or your film will be cursed to be forgotten like a one-hit wonder by Kajagoogoo! (Ok, the mere fact that I can remember the one-hit song by them doesn’t make the curse any less potent. It’s just means I’m too shy shy... hush hush, eye to eye) The movie gods were not amused at these foolhardy producers and laid their full wraith on this new version which didn’t even cast anyone named Brendan or Fraiser Crane.

‘Woman’ a Wonder; ‘Underpants’ Soiled; ‘Pirates’ Adrift; ‘Bay’ Not Watched - Weeks 4 & 5

Whether it was Scandal or Michelle Branch singing Goodbye To You (Hey, look at me being multi-generational! Oh wait, only old people would use the word multi-generational. Dag nabbit!), Goodbye to May is what we should all be singing after that four week atrocity. One! Only one film released during May looks to have any shot to be in Top Five of the Summer and it’s often a month with three to four solid Top Five contenders. It was going to take more than a woman to clean up this mess. It was going to take a Wonder Woman.

‘May Day!’ Cry Four Films Fading Fast - Weeks 2 & 3

Sometimes a hit film draws people out to the theaters to see the other new films. The success of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 seems to have done the opposite. Instead of folks trying new films, they’d rather go with the racoon they know then the aliens they don’t (Xenomorphs and Amy Schumer included).

Guardians of the Box-Office - Vol. Week 1

2017 began the same as almost every other summer season I can remember… with a Marvel movie. You haven’t to go back to 2006 to the last summer that didn’t start with a Marvel comic book film (Take a bow, Mission: Impossible III... and then leave quickly as your probably my least favorite J.J. Abrams film and least favorite M:I film... How’d you blow having Keri Russell and Philip Seymour Hoffman in your film?!).

2017 Summer Movie Pool - Preview

The ice rink has melted, the curling stones have been put away, and finally, The Rock has come back to wearing something as revealing as his old wrestling tights in the Baywatch movie, so it's time for the 21th Annual Summer Movie Pool!

The 2016 Summer Movie Pool - Final Report

There have been Summer Movie Pools that have ended in whimpers before, but this has practically been a whole summer of pretending you’re excited about the eighth or ninth seasons of long-running shows like Frasier or Grey’s Anatomy. We pretty much know what we’re getting, we know it was way better a few years ago, and yet we’re too lazy to actually stop watching because we think it can’t really be all that bad. Maybe I should be thankful about those super-sized theater sodas that cause multiple trips to the bathroom during screenings. At least something was happening during the movie.

Suicide Squad Kills; Pete’s Dragon Goes Puff; Ben-Hur Been Gone - Weeks 11-12-13

This is seriously one of the nuttiest summers ever. We had only one big hit in July and clearly the same is going to be said of August. Why do they even release all these films if people would just rather be home watching Stranger Things on Netflix which probably cost $2 million to make for the entire eight hours?! Look, if it’s between a no-name cast in small-town Indiana or Jonah Hill as an arms dealer in War Dogs, we’re all in on Indiana, right?
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