2007 Summer Movie Pool Preview | Spider-Man 3 | Shrek the Third | Transformers

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2007 Summer Movie Pool Preview

Spider-Man 3
Shrek the Third
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The Bourne Ultimatum
The Simpsons Movie
Knocked Up
Rush Hour 3
Live Free or Die Hard
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
Ocean's Thirteen
Evan Almighty
Surf's Up
License to Wed
No Reservations
Good Luck Chuck
Mr. Bean's Holiday
28 Weeks Later
In case if you don't know what's coming out for the Summer Season of 2007, check below for a detailed list of this year's crop!

May 4

- Lucky You
At last, the battle every comic book, err, sorry, graphic novel fan's been waiting for: Spider-Man versus the actor who played The Hulk! There's programming, there's counter-programming, and then there's releasing a nine-month delayed drama with Eric Bana and Drew Barrymore as poker players in Vegas against one of the biggest movie franchises in the world. I think I can see Warner Bros. tell here.

- Spider-Man 3
The first Spider-Man movie kicked-off the 2002 pool and blew the expected favorite Episode II away. In 2004, Spidey 2 opened two months later over July 4th weekend and could never catch up to the amazing Shrek 2 numbers. This year, Spidey's kicking-off the summer season again. Will it be a return to form at the top of the box-office list or will Shrek and Jack Sparrow prove more challenging than Venom and the Sandman?

May 11

- 28 Weeks Later
So apparently after the happy ending the US audiences got at the end of 28 Days Later (well, as happy as only have three survivors remaining out of a nation of 60 million is going to be), there was still more virus shenanigans going on.

- Delta Farce
What sounds like it should be a parody of the Chuck Norris/George Kennedy classic Delta Force (you see, it's a classic, not a new classic, and that's why you won't find it on TNT) turns out to be a more of another version of In The Army Now featuring Larry The Cable Guy. When you're creative teams suggests basing your premise off a Pauly Shore movie, that's pretty much when they lose the title creative.

- Georgia Rule
Jane Fonda, Felicity Hoffman, and Lindsey Lohan star as three generations of women who grow closer together despite their differences, because apparently that's what women do when placed into a two-hour movie.

- The Salon
Let's see, it's only been five-years since Barbershop. We aren't too late to capitalize on that hip trend and make a female version of that premise, are we? Put it this way, since then two full seasons of Joey aired and people have already been Jedi Mind Tricked into thinking that it never even happened. Barber-what, again?

May 18

- Captivity
It's a completely original movie where a couple find themselves trapped in a room by a deranged serial killer and are forced to play a series of mind games to save their lives. You see, in Saw it was two men who didn't know each other. Here, this is a couple that does know each other. Totally different movie.

- Shrek the Third
Though it's almost too easy to call it Shrek the Turd, the series continues with even more characters and nonsensical plots. It's like Lost but in movie form. Still, Shrek and Shrek 2 were both the top films in their respective summers. Can they make it three for three or is Smash Mouth music featured prominently again?

May 25

- Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Ironically the title includes the word "end" which is the one thing these movies can't seem to do well: end. Oh thrilling, another sword battle and attack by the Kraken. I haven't seen one of those except for the last 2 hours and 40 minutes. Get on with it already! More importantly, will the 10-month gap between P2 and P3 help this movie or hurt it? It's hard to miss something when it hasn't really gone away.

June 1

- Knocked Up
The director and co-stars of The 40 Year-Old Virgin try to have lightning strike twice. The last time they made Steve Carell a superstar. Will the same happen with Seth Rogan? Let's just say that he shouldn't quit that daytime job yet. Oh, he's an actor. This is his daytime job. In that case, maybe it's time to start working nights.

- Mr. Brooks
I just realized I haven't seen a Kevin Costner movie in over 11 years. Based on box-office results over that same time span, I don't think I'm the only one. Here he plays a family man who has a split personality that's a serial killer portrayed by William Hurt. Unless there's a Bryan Adams song featured prominently in the soundtrack, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make it to 12 years.

June 8

- Hostel: Part II
Horror films in the summertime usually require something "fun" about them to do well. Like a Jason vs. Freddy, an Alien vs. Predator, or a Tom Hanks vs. his hair in The Da Vinci Code. Honestly, that thing should totally get sent to the Smithsonian and placed next to Fonzie's leather jacket. Anyway, I don't see anything "fun" here. Maybe they've should've gone with Hostel vs. Holiday Inn and had Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire crooning while they'll be led down hallways to get tortured… Now that's a summer movie!

- Ocean's 13
The first two managed to chart in the Top #5 for their respective Holiday Movie Pools. How will the Ocean's franchise fare in the rougher summer seas? Considering the second flick made almost $60 million less than the first one, is the fun of seeing this modern day Rat Pack wearing off? Kinda like going back to visit high school after you graduate. The first time the student reaction is like, "Dude, what are you doing you're here!" The second time it's like, "Dude… what are you doing here?"

- Surf's Up
Whoever the penguins' agent is, he or she is not getting paid enough. It used to be monkeys and orangutans had all the fun with Every Which Way You Can, Dunston Checks In, and Ed but now, now… It's all about the penguins, baby. I hear Feathers McGraw is now asking for 8 digits and he hasn't even made a movie since Wallace & Gromit's The Wrong Trousers. In this film it's about penguins taking their Happy Feet and planting them on a surfboard. How someone hasn't fast-tracked a Tennessee Tuxedo movie yet, I have no idea.

June 15

- Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Genius marketing at its best. How to get comic geeks back for a franchise they panned two years ago? Throw in another Marvel icon and start counting the green! The geeks may whine anonymously in message boards where no one knows their real name all the way to the theater, but they'll be there. Here's hoping Mr. Fantastic actually gets to be fantastic and Jessica Alba is less of an Invisible Woman.

- Nancy Drew
This may not be the Encyclopedia Brown movie I've been rooting for, but it's not the upcoming Hardy Boys abomination with Ben Stiller and Tom Cruise either. Seriously, if you want to have an older version of the Hardy Boys, just get Parker Stevenson and Shaun Cassidy. It's not like their busy.

June 22

- DOA: Dead or Alive
I'm sure there will be a day when a really good movie comes out that was based on a video game. This will not be that day. It's an all-female fighter version of Mortal Kombat without the awesomeness that was the electronica theme song by the Utah Saints. Chun-Li and Sonya Blade would've taken out these Betties in like three seconds flat.

- Evan Almighty
I'm not even sure most people knew Steve Carell was in Bruce Almighty since he wasn't a household name then. Now he's being handed the reigns in perhaps the most expensive comedy movie ever made. Universal hopes it's the next Night at the Museum. Other studios hope it's the next Wholly Moses.

June 27

- Live Free or Die Hard
There's no truth the rumor that it's been 20 years since the first Die Hard movie. It's been 19. John McClain returns to do to L.A. what he did to N.Y. in the last film. If there's not a Sgt. Al Powell cameo and Twinkie reference in the first 20 minutes, I'm walking out.

June 29

- Martian Child
John Cusack stars in this one part Big Daddy, one part K-PAX movie, about a single man taking care of a child who thinks he's from Mars. I just hope John mans-up in time to stop the kid from blowing up the Earth with his Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

- Ratatouille
Director/Writer Brad Bird scored big with The Incredibles and Pixar has been known to rule in the summer time, so why is no one talking up this film about a rat that cooks in the kitchens of Paris. Um, maybe it's because it's about a rat wanting to cook in the kitchens in Paris.

July 4

- License to Wed
This is the seventh film Mandy Moore's has headlined in the last five years and only one has made more than $50 million. Jean Claude Van Damme has worked just as hard, making just as many movies, and his films usually open on SpikeTV with a "World Broadcast Premiere" tagline instead of at the multiplexes. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

- Transformers
When Michael Bay did the unthinkable and went cerebral on us with The Island, we knew he'd come to his senses. When it comes to giant robots from outer space that pretend to be Camaros and jets instead of just being giant robots all the time, Steven Spielberg knew just the director to call.

July 13

- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The last Harry Potter film to open in the summer time scored the weakest box-office tally of the franchise. Weak, in these terms, still means north of $240 million. Is Harry in the summer like Aquaman out of water, or can he still bum a ride on Wonder Woman's invisible jet to provide useless transitional dialogue and thus serve a useful purpose?

July 20

- Hairspray
Well, if Wild Hogs could be a smash, why not this? Though John Travolta must've borrowed Martin Lawrence's Big Momma House fat-suit while riding Harleys, he's gets to sing now as well in this big-screen adaptation of the musical Broadway hit. Maybe the male winner of the recent Grease reality show can see that he's got becoming an overweight drag queen in his future.

- I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
Nothing says summertime like Adam Sandler antics. This time paired with Kevin James as straight firefighters who pose as a same-sex couple to receive benefits, it's like Some Like It Hot but without the wigs… and in color!

July 27

- I Know Who Killed Me
Perhaps the best title ever for a movie staring Lindsey Lohan. It's like she wants to invite the parallels into her personal life. Here she plays someone who's dead, but not dead, and wants to save the real her who is also not dead, yet could be soon. This sounds strikingly familiar to the plot of Herbie Fully Loaded.

- No Reservations
If Catherine Zeta-Jones couldn't make romantic comedies work with Tom Hanks in The Terminal and George Clooney in Intolerable Cruelty, how is she supposed to pull it off with Aaron Eckhart? Here's she runs a kitchen, enter the new sous-chef (I don't believe I've ever typed sous-chef before in my life… and I hope to never again) who ruffles feathers, and eventually a Norah Jones song plays and they live happily ever.

- The Simpsons Movie
After 18 and counting seasons, the Simpsons finally get their own movie because I'm sure there's still a lot of important messages they have yet to convey after 18 frickin' seasons. Maybe Fox will use this as an opportunity to actually explain how Mulder was able to get FBI approval to fly to the Antarctic and rent one of those ice tractor machines (you know there's a Hertz on every corner there) to track down Scully in the X-Files movie. I would've loved to have seen that expense report.

August 3

- The Bourne Ultimatum
Matt Damon stars in his second "third" sequel in two months after Ocean's 13. Mind-boggling. Somewhere out there, Ben Affleck's wondering when he's going to get a chance to do a Daredevil 3. Still, it's almost refreshing to have a series based on novels without the word "graphic" next to them.

- Underdog
In the ever-continuing goal to destroy every good memory people have from their childhood, Disney brings us a live-action version of one of the greatest animated superheroes of all-time. Sure, I haven't seen the show since I was a kid and it probably doesn't hold up, but I can tell crap from Crisco, and this, my friend, is no Crisco.

August 8

- Daddy Day Camp
Cuba, please, stop it already! Now he's starring in a sequel to a film even Eddie Murphy declined. When the man who made Pluto Nash says no, it's time to take note. At this point, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Marisa Tomei should just call it a day and star in a CBS Monday Night sitcom together for the next seven years.

August 10

- Bratz: The Movie
In the summer of 3's, we have our third live-action adaptation of an animated origin (after Transformers and Underdog). Numerologists must be going nuts. Maybe I'm being unfair and this could be a cool little teen movie like Clueless. Then again, that was an updated version of Emma. This is based off a doll product line.

- Rush Hour 3
It's our six "third" sequel of the season! I'm thinking this is a record that never gets topped. Now, I'm not sure why Chris Tucker only makes Rush Hour movies or Michael Jackson music videos, yet that's all he's done over the last ten years. These roles must be extremely draining for him and yet they appear so effortless onscreen.

- Stardust
I'll admit it. I've read the synopsis for this graphic novel adaptation three times and I have no idea what it's about. I just saw the trailer and now know even less except there's Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert DeNiro, Claire Daines, and a cast of thousands. Maybe it's the next Princess Bride. Maybe it's the next Neverending Story. Sorry, I should have pronounced that, Neverending Stoooooooor- or- ry… nah na na, nah na na, nah na na.

August 17

- The Invasion
Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig star in this much delayed and re-shot update on Invasion of the Body Snatchers. It was supposed to come out before Craig's turn as 007 in Casino Royale. I even thought it was going to be pushed till November of this year, but all the "coming soon" lists still have it invading here. Don't be surprised if the aliens make this film disappear again.

August 24

- Good Luck Chuck
Dane Cook and Jessica Alba in a "romantic comedy" about a guy who was cursed by a Goth chick when he was ten and didn't kiss her after a game of spin the bottle?! This is what studios are giving us in the dog days of summer?! I guess this is where the season got that name. It's like they're asking us not to go to the theater.

August 31

- Halloween
Ah yes, Rob Zombie's "re-envisioning" of the original Halloween movie. Now, does this qualify as Halloween 9 or do remakes of franchises start the cycle all over again? Speaking of which, why are people always remaking the original movie? Friday the 13th Part IV - The Final Chapter was clearly better than the first Friday the 13th. Why not remake that one? Ok, yes, it gets a little weird to make a first film called the Final Chapter (though it was technically more like a sabbatical since Jason Lives by Friday the 13th Part 6), but I think you see my point and that point being… I've spent a large portion of my life watching crappy movies.

- Mr. Bean's Holiday
This film has already been a massive smash in the international markets and the distributors are hoping for some real success in the U.S. this time around after the first film was more like a Keane than a Coldplay. European audiences also made a big hit of Michael Jackson's Moonwalker film. I always try to keep that in mind whenever I hear the "This is how they do it in Europe" defense.

by Matt Neuenburg on 04/30/2007

Movies Mentioned in this Post: 28 Weeks Later, Evan Almighty, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Good Luck Chuck, Hairspray, Halloween, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Knocked Up, License to Wed, Live Free or Die Hard, Mr. Bean's Holiday, No Reservations, Ocean's Thirteen, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Ratatouille, Rush Hour 3, Shrek the Third, Spider-Man 3, Stardust, Surf's Up, The Bourne Ultimatum, The Simpsons Movie, Transformers, Underdog
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