THE 2010 HOLIDAY MOVIE FINAL REPORT
It took only half as long as the Summer Pool yet for some reason this pool seemed twice as long. The pickings were slim, the good movies were slimmer, and yet this year still seemed like a great chance to pull out a victory if only you could put the right pieces into place. Then, of course, reality hit and you realized you had about as good a shot at winning as Battlefield Earth has of getting a sequel.
To put this whole season into perspective, let's say goodbye to the pretenders…
For Colored Girls wasn't apparently for any girls.
Due Date kept slipping and slipping until it was missed (or not missed) completely.
Unstoppable may not have stopped but it sure didn't stay on track.
Skyline was to Independence Day what Cutthroat Island was to Pirates of the Caribbean.
When given the choice between Morning Glory or death, ticket buyers chose death.
This must have come out while I was at Oktoberfest… it's like The Next Three Days never happened.
Wait, does this mean Christina Aguilera is going to go back releasing songs? Maybe we should have done more to make Burlesque a hit.
Love and Other Drugs apparently aren't available to general audiences without a doctor's prescription.
Faster couldn't have been slower if it tried.
The Warrior's Way is being so stealthy people don't even know you were released.
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader may have sent the whole series into the sunset.
The Tourist needed a tour guide to show them how to make a good movie.
Yogi Bear finally gave us something where people weren't trying to sell us afterwards on how talented Justin Timberlake is.
How Do You Know your movie sucks.
Gulliver's Travels couldn't even cross the street before turning back and running home.
Lastly, True Grit will probably pass both our #4 and #5 films before all is said and done, but it wasn't gritty enough to make the jump before our January 17th cutoff.
So, because Monday was Martin Luther King, Jr. Observance Day, here are the Top Five Films of the Holiday Season:
#5. Little Fockers - $135.6 million
Though it was littler than Meet the Parents or Meet the Fockers, the Stiller/DeNiro combo milked another paycheck with their tired routine. Somewhere out there Billy Crystal is desperately trying to put together another Analyze Anything movie.
#4. MegaMind - $145.7 million
While it may end up being the most forgettable DreamWorks movie since Shark Tale (huh… what movie was that?), the blue-headed evil genius was smart enough to give itself two weeks before any other family films came out. Speaking of which, why do evil geniuses seem to get more notoriety than good geniuses? That just seems, I dunno, evil.
#3. Tron Legacy - $158.5 million
Jeff Bridges was probably paid 10 times more to make this than True Grit and yet his performance isn't even a 10th of what it was in the Old West… and he's got two different characters to carry in this film! Ironically, his character Clu didn't seem to have a single one but he fit right in with the rest of this mess of a "What the crap is even going on" movie. If Disney even thinks of trying to make a third Tron film, it'll just prove they don't have a Clu either.
#2. Tangled - $182.7 million
After the disappointment that was The Princess and The Frog, the success of Tangled is probably the biggest surprise of the season. The film came out over Thanksgiving and even made another $65 million since Christmas on its way to becoming the biggest non-Pixar hit for the MouseHouse since 1991's Beauty and the Beast. I realize more than one pooler put Tangled at #2 on their list, but I guarantee no one thought, "Oh, yeah, this film's definitely going to sit right between Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin on Disney's all-time blockbuster list.
#1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One - $290.2
Ok, so it wasn't quite the Twilight killer I thought it would be. Both Eclipse and New Moon had bigger openings and made (slightly) more money. That said, the consistency in performance between the Harry Potter films is beyond any other franchise in history. You could call it Harry Potter and the Bathy Smellows and it would make about the same as any other film in the series. It may not have conquered the all-time muggle films, yet it certainly Avada Kedavra'd the 2010 Holiday Blockbuster contenders.
by Matt Neuenburg on 12/31/2010
Movies Mentioned in this Post:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I,
Love and Other Drugs,
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader,
Yogi Bear 3D