2013 Summer Movie Pool Preview | Iron Man 3 | Despicable Me 2 | Man of Steel

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2013 Summer Movie Pool Preview

Iron Man 3
Despicable Me 2
Man of Steel
Monsters University
Fast & Furious 6
Star Trek Into Darkness
World War Z
The Heat
We're the Millers
The Great Gatsby
Grown Ups 2
The Wolverine
Now You See Me
The Hangover Part III
Epic
300: Rise of an Empire
Pacific Rim
This is the End
Elysium
Planes
The Lone Ranger
Turbo
2 Guns
White House Down
The Smurfs 2
After Earth
RED 2
The Internship
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones
One Direction: This Is Us
Kick-Ass 2
The World's End
You're Next
Peeples
Paranoia
Dust off that Speedo and get ready for that season where the only time you need an umbrella is when it's in a drink.

Yes, it's already here. The 2013 Summer Movie Pool!!!

The year when Tony Stark drops his third solo album of Nu-Metal, Scotty beams up the dutchie on the left hand side, and Dom explains why he's still Furious after successfully pulling-off a $100 million heist in the last film. I mean, ok, so you were a victim of pre-mature male pattern baldness, I get that, but it might be time to let that go by now. You seem to have a lot of other things going your way.

In case if you don't know what's coming out for this Summer Season of 2013, check below for a detailed list of this year's crop!


May 3
- Iron Man 3
Five years ago The Avengers saga began with Iron Man and it launched Robert Downey Jr. as a legitimate box-office star after he surprisingly bested Indiana Jones and his Crappy Skull. The set-up for Avengers 2 begins with this third IM installment. Will it soar on the wings of The Avengers heights or will it sink on the weight of all those Iron Man suits we see in the trailer, which we already kind of saw in Iron Man 2... And more importantly, will they ever let us know what happened to Whiplash's cockatoo!

May 10
- The Great Gatsby
I remember really loving this book in high school. I also remember really loving Hulk Hogan's No Holds Barred movie, so I'm not sure that's really saying anything. I do remember loving director Baz Luhrmann's Strictly Ballroom and Moulin Rouge though, so I'm digging what he can visually do to the Roaring 20's. Still, is even Leo DiCaprio enough to distract movie-goers from special-effect blockbusters to drop-in on a book club?

- Peeples
What do you get when you have a Tyler Perry movie that's not written or directed by Tyler Perry? Hopefully something above his usual been-there /done-that films, as stars Craig Robinson and Kerry Washington deserve better than a been-there/done-that "guy asking a crazy dad for his daughter's hand in marriage" routine.

May 15
- Star Trek Into Darkness
It's funny how hard producers have tried to hide the details of the Star Trek sequel to make it a surprise for Trekkies, when it's clear the huge success of the first reboot appealed to the mainstream and not just the 74 people that showed-up to the first Star Trek convention in 1974 (FYI, that stat isn't fact-checked at all... it just feels true). Most peeps can't tell Khan from the Squire of Gathos and they couldn't care less. Just make it cool, make us care, and we'll all want to beamed on up again.

May 24
- Epic
There seems to be a frontier yet to be successfully crossed in the family animation genre... making something that looks amazing visually, but not funny. Rise of the Guardians began with uber-serious trailers and when tracking numbers seemed low, suddenly anything remotely pie-in-the-face was inserted into TV ads. Epic followed the same path and now we're stuck with half-jokes being inserted into ads. When are kids going to learn that if you're going to have something cool, it doesn't have to try and be funny every single minute. Otherwise, you end up Husdon Hawk.

- Fast & Furious 6
It is beyond amazing this franchise even made it to a sixth film, let alone keeps getting bigger and bigger. It's like the opposite of Police Academy which started going straight-to-video after #5. While the fourth and fifth films that revitalized the F&F series came out in the uncompetitive Spring season, Fast 6 is pulling out all the stops on the biggest movie weekend of the year. Can it outrun the big boys or will it get swallowed up by the Wolf Pack.

- The Hangover Part III
While it may seem similarly surprising we reached a third film in this series after the less-than-stellar reaction to The Hangover Part 2, there was nothing less-than-stellar about its $254 million gross. When in doubt, make another film! This time the gang returns to Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas happens again in Vegas.

May 31
- After Earth
After Earth is apparently what you make after everyone on earth is tired of your movies. Poor M. Night Shyamalan doesn't even get his name mentioned in the trailers for this Will and Jaden Smith sci-fi story after Lady in the Water, The Happening, and The Last AirBlunder. As a big fan of M. Night's earlier work, let's call it his 007 period, I'm hoping his middling middle works are just the Zardox, Meteor, and Outland films of his career, and he's still got a The Untouchables and The Rock left in him.

- Now You See Me
Remember a few summers ago when an all-star cast made the fun heist caper The Italian Job? This summer's all-star cast heist caper is Now You See Me with an elite F.B.I. team trying to stop the world's greatest illusionists from pulling off bank robberies. It's like a Point Break/Burt Wonderstone hybrid! Actually, I take that back... there was nothing elite about Keanu Reeves and Gary Busey.

June 7
- The Internship
Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson reuniting for the first time since Wedding Crashers couldn't have come at a better time for either of these guys. Vaughn's slumped through The Dilemma and The Watch while Owen's only success in five years has been in an art house hit, Midnight in Paris. Here our duo are forced to take an internship opportunity at an emerging tech company and they need to match their old school wits against young people that actually do something besides beat all my scores on XBOX Live. V&O ftw, w00t!

June 12
- This is the End
If it was the end of the world as you knew it and you were trapped in a house with Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, and James Franco, would you feel fine? Six friends are stuck in the same home as the rest of the world is wiped out and... uh... hilarity ensues? I'm pretty sure the pitch started with "We have Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, and James Franco attached" instead of the actual plot description.

June 14
- Man of Steel
Seven years after Bryan Singer tried to Return the Superman franchise only to bury it further, Warner Bros. is hoping by bringing on their Dark Knight golden goose Christopher Nolan as a producer they can finally capture a tone that fits today's audience. The fact that the Man of Steel trailers keep making me The Man of Misty Eyes every time I see the trailers ("You are my son!"), I don't need to believe a man can fly... I just want to believe we can have our first good Superman movie in 30 years.

June 21
- Monsters University
It appears the result of Disney buying Pixar was that three of their next four movies have turned out to be sequels. While Toy Story 3 belongs in the Pixar hallowed canon, Cars 2 took their original characters into a completely unconnected spy caper plot. This leads us to Monsters University which seems to take Mike and Sully from the Scare Floor and into an ABC Family version of college. It's like they're just pulling plots out of a hat and cramming movies into them!

- World War Z
While the idea of Brad Pitt saving the world from a zombie apocalypse sounds plausible enough, I'm supposed to buy he's a United Nations employee? Riiight. This film is totally unbelievable.

June 28
- The Heat
It's Melissa McCarthy's world and Sandra Bullock is just living in it. Sandy knows if Melissa can drag Jason Bateman into a hit film with Identify Theft, just think what she can do with a real movie star. The duo plays an F.B.I. agent and city cop forced to work together and their personalities mesh immediately yet they grow apart by the end... or maybe I have that wrong.

- White House Down
It's like the Volcano and Dante's Peak box-office battle all over again! Only three months after Olympus Has Fallen, another "terrorists attacking the white house" movie drops into theaters. Can Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx trump Gerald Butler and Aaron Eckhart? Well, for all of Fox News' cries of Hollywood's left-leanings, Tinseltown sure is serving-up a lot of Tea Party Crowd Pleasers these days.

July 3
- Despicable Me 2
More minions, more freeze-rays, and more "It's-so-fluffies!" The surprise 2010 smash has a sequel that's ready for its close-up. If the target audience is as easily pleased by the 60 second trailer that features nothing but minions singing Barbara Ann that's been played roughly 3,000 times before every single family film for the past year, they should have no problem pulling in a big crowd.

- The Lone Ranger
It's amazing how much Disney is paying Johnny Depp to play Tonto when he basically sounds like he's channeling Rob Schneider. Sadly, I may be old enough to remember when The Lone Ranger still mattered, but I'm also old enough to remember Wild Wild West, Jonah Hex, and Cowboys & Aliens. High concept Westerns haven't exactly been a gold mine at the box-office. Can Depp bring his Jack Sparrow magic or will it be forgotten like his Dark Shadows.

July 12
- Grown Ups 2
Speaking of Rob Schneider, it's clear he has incriminating evidence on Adam Sandler or Adam's just doing his part to prevent Rob from ever having the time to make a TV show like According to Jim. Adam brings all his rowdy friends back for another Grown Ups film since they clearly haven't grown-up enough from the first one.

- Pacific Rim
Remember last summer when we were led to believe with a little bit of moxy and some grit a 70 year-old Battleship could successfully be used against advanced alien technology? This time they've decided in order to defeat giant monsters, we need to build our own giant robots in order to face them. It's Godzilla meets Real Steal! Hopefully, some kid'll get in the cockpit to make the robot dance because nothing is more awesome than seeing a robot actually do the robot.

July 17
- Turbo
DreamWorks usually avoids the summer season unless it's for one of its surefire franchises like Shrek and Madagascar, yet it's rolling the dice on Turbo, the story of a snail who wants to be fast. While Ryan Reynolds provides the lead snail's voice, I noticed how Snoop Lion is also listed on the credits. Going, "Wait, is that Snoop Dogg?" led me through a Google search of discovering The Doggfather changed his name to Snoop Lion after converting to Rastafarianism during a trip to Jamaica in 2012. This sounds way more interesting that Turbo.

July 19
- R.I.P.D.
Imagine Men In Black but with ghosts and you get the gist of R.I.P.D. Jeff Bridges as Tommy Lee Jones. Ryan Reynolds as Will Smith. We can only hope Ryan truly tries to take the crown and delivers a theme song for the ages. Given the Fresh Prince's legendarily terrible song from the second MIB film, even fingernails on a chalk board would qualify.

- RED 2
The thoroughly enjoyable R.E.D. worked well in the fall of 2010. It's when kids are back in school and retirement home centers can book an entire theater for a showing. Why mess with a good thing and release the sequel in a crowded summer between super heroes and giant robots? If you are asking this question, you are smarter than a movie exec.

July 26
- The Wolverine
You can't blame 20th Century Fox for remembering the $85 million opening for X-Men Origins: Wolverine. You also can't blame fans for remembering the almost 70% drop-off in the second weekend. Acting opposite Patrick Stewart, Anna Paquin, and Famke Jannsen gave Hugh Jackman a little more to work with than wil.i.am. Can sending Logan off on a mission to Japan make this a film people actually want to see or will fanboys go just so they can tell each other how bad it is?

July 31
- The Smurfs 2
While I'm certainly not against Neil Patrick Harris and Jayma Mays receiving paychecks, it'd be a better world if it wasn't for making movies like this. With the recent announcement that Britney Spears will be singing the title song, the only interesting moment will happen at the premiere when Britney and Katy Perry (the voice of Smurfette) meet and wrestle in blue Jell-O... Or maybe that's just what I'll be thinking about if I get stuck having to sit through this one.

August 2
- 2 Guns
You know how some old guys are afraid to be shown-up by young whipper-snappers? Denzel Washington takes them dead-on! Angelina Jolie, Russell Crowe, Ethan Hawke, Clive Owen, Mila Kunis, Chris Pine, Ryan Reynolds, where you at? Second-billed, that's right, mutha-bleeper! Now it's Mark Wahlberg's time to bow down as they play competing undercover agents who don't know the other is undercover. It's like Mr. and Mrs. Smith but without the Vince Vaughn comic relief.

- 300: Rise of an Empire
Since this is supposed to be a prequel, maybe they should've gone with 299 so we'd have a better idea of where it fits in the grand scheme of things. Aside from Lena Headey, none of the cast is the same. Still, if watching a lot of people die in slow-motion while wearing togas is your thing, this is the movie for you.

August 7
- Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
The first Percy Jackson movie did so mediocrely (I don't care if it's not a real word... it should be!), it took 20th Century Fox till their scheduling meeting a year later to decide to do another one. "Eh, we got nothing else to do." That's some confidence for this series that was once meant to be the next Harry Potter.

August 9
- Disney's Planes
Originally intended as Direct-to-DVD movie, Disney saw dollar signs in a void of family films during August. This spin-off to the Cars franchise (see, one's with talking cars and this is with... ah, you get the picture) has Dane Cook in the lead role. You know, if you were looking for the Direct-to-DVD version of Owen Wilson, it probably would be Dane Cook. Can't fault Disney for that one.

- Elysium
It's taken four years for director Neill Blomkamp to follow-up his break-out hit District 9, which definitely delivered as a late summer sleeper in 2009. This time the story centers on a future society where the elite live in an orbiting space station while the other 99% live on the impoverished earth. Though this sounds almost exactly like a Star Trek episode called The Cloud Minders, Matt Damon and Jodie Foster certainly bring the star power District 9 never had... nor needed.

- We're the Millers
Because Jennifer Anniston worked out so well with The Switch a couple Augusts ago, here she's involved with Jason Sudeikis as a fake family trying to smuggle pot across the border. Kudos to the girl for continually getting cast, but she's sort of turned into Christina Aguilera. While being ever present and always releasing stuff, Christina hasn't had a hit song since 2006... The same year The Break-Up came out.

August 16
- Kick-Ass 2
I'm always a little nervous about cult hits (or follow-ups to cult hits) coming out in the busy, high-octane summer-time. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World didn't have time to find its footing in 2010 and Hostel 2 in 2007 didn't even finish with what the first Hostel grossed in its opening weekend. Kick-Ass 2 is hoping whatever momentum the original gained on DVD will give it a chance here, yet we could be talking about a fan base that's already perfectly fine waiting to see it three months later on DVD.

- Paranoia
Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman star as competing corporate rivals each using Liam Hemsworth as their spy into each other's businesses. It's kind of a big fall for Harrison to go from kicking his own terrorist ass as President of the United States in Air Force One to asking Miley Cyrus' fiancée for help.

August 23
- The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones
If you walk by any teen book section in Barnes and Noble, you'll quickly realize there's a lot more books than just Twilight that deal with supernatural love stories. The Mortal Instruments is another attempt to create a smash movie franchise based on a popular book series. While I still listen to teeny bop Top 40 radio, I have no insider knowledge to books teeny boppers read. This could be the next Team Whoever movie or, more likely, the next Beautiful Creatures dud.

- The World's End
As to my earlier mentioning of Scott Pilgrim love, they're burying its director's next film at the end of August. Conceived as a un-official "third film" in the Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz trilogy since it includes the same leads and writers, the film depicts five friends reuniting after 20 years to try and complete a pub crawl they were never able to finish. Can they finish now... before the world's end?

- You're Next
This is an independent horror movie that's been gaining huge internet buzz... and it's going to need it as it stars no one of note. Still, why not use that buzz and release it as the next Paranormal Activity closer to Halloween instead of when the sun still doesn't set until nine o'clock?

August 30
- Getaway
Ethan Hawke stars as a race car driver forced on a daring mission in order to save his wife and relies on Selena Gomez as "a young hacker" as his only help. This sounds a lot like 2005's Herbie Fully Loaded with Matt Dillion and Lindsey Lohan, just minus the Volkswagen Bug.

- One Direction: This Is Us
I'm not quite sure why One Direction feels the need to introduce themselves with a "This Is Us" since pretty much any girl between the ages of 7 to 11 is already pretty clear on who they are.


by Matt Neuenburg on 04/24/2013

Movies Mentioned in this Post: 2 Guns, 300: Rise of an Empire, After Earth, Despicable Me 2, Elysium, Epic, Fast & Furious 6, Grown Ups 2, Iron Man 3, Kick-Ass 2, Man of Steel, Monsters University, Now You See Me, One Direction: This Is Us, Pacific Rim, Paranoia, Peeples, Planes, RED 2, Star Trek Into Darkness, The Great Gatsby, The Hangover Part III, The Heat, The Internship, The Lone Ranger, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, The Smurfs 2, The Wolverine, The World's End, This is the End, Turbo, We're the Millers, White House Down, World War Z, You're Next
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