2015 Summer Movie Pool - Final Report | Jurassic World | Avengers: Age of Ultron | Inside Out

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2015 Summer Movie Pool - Final Report

Jurassic World
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Inside Out
Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation
Pitch Perfect 2
Straight Outta Compton
San Andreas
Mad Max: Fury Road
Terminator: Genisys
Ted 2
Magic Mike XXL
Fantastic Four
Insidious Chapter 3
The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
Hot Pursuit
Sinister 2
It's reminder with every start of the football season, the end of the Summer Movie Season is upon us.

It's been a wild ride as always. Some movies come out of nowhere to be hits and some should-be hits end up nowhere. Before we get to the Final Five of the 2015 year, let's bid adieu (maybe some other French things) to the films that weren't quite as fortunate.

The “Sunburned” Section:

- Aloha may mean “hello” and “goodbye” but it really meant “see ya” as this tropical paradise was the biggest big studio bust released this summer. It’s like going to a luau where all they serve is poi.

- It wasn’t sinister. In fact, it was probably kind that Sinister 2 died as quickly as it did.

- I thought entourages only happen when someone’s successful? Nothing was a success with Entourage.

- No one was hot in the pursuit of Hot Pursuit.

- The Man From U.N.C.L.E. had more periods than ticket buyers.

- Poltergeist won’t spoil the memories of the 80’s classic since no one saw the new one and lived to tell about it.

- I guess the same can be said about Insidious 3 spoiling the memories of Insidious 2.

- The first family of superheroes, the Fantastic Four, is now known as the worst family of superheroes. Thanks 20th Century Fox! And to think, I didn’t give them anything except an already pre-purchased AMC Gift Card for a before noon ticket price.

The “Did We Keep The Receipt For This” Section:

- Magic Mike XXL was less Penn & Teller and more Carnac The Magnificent. Man, if I’m making Johnny Carson references I better be getting those retirement menu discounts at Wendy’s.

- Pixels wasn’t the worst performing Adam Sandler film of all-time. Heck, it made three times what Billy Madison made 1995 and some people who were 12 then still think that was the greatest film of all-time, so avoid talking to any 32 year-olds in 20 years.

- Ted 2 was 2 much of apparently not 2 good of a thing. I guess there are still some types of love America isn’t ready for.

- Did Terminator: Genisys become the Revelations of the Terminator series? If so, amen.

- The sun never came out for Tomorrowland, but at least that gets us one step closer to Disney making a big-screen version of the Tiki Room in authentic Dole Pineapple Whip Smell-O-Vision!

The “Three-Star” Resorts Section:

- Trainwreck never went off-track, it just only collected three of the four railroad properties in Monopoly.

- Spy made $20 million less than Get Smart which was seen as a disappointment and yet Melissa McCarthy made this look like a hit? Maybe the Spin Doctors wrote the theme song for the movie.

- Straight Outta Compton straight out made a mint on a $30 million budget and making $150 million. Now that's doing it Old School.

- How does Mad Max: Fury Road win the “best reviewed” award and still end up in the middle of the road box-office ride? Probably because calling it "The Cirque du Soleil of chase movies" doesn't mean much if you don't speak French or like mimes... or like mimes who speak French which then, of course, makes them not mimes.

- There’s no fault with San Andreas. Ha, see what I did there! Perfectly acceptable performance by a probably less than perfectly acceptable film.

- Ant-Man may be the smallest of the Marvel heroes, but his gross was right in line with what the first Captain America and Thor movies made. Folks seem to be judging this guy just on his size.

- If the Rogue Nation can’t stop the Mission: Impossible films, then certainly finishing outside the Top Five in the Summer Movie Pool isn’t going to do it either. That being said, this just missed the Top Five by $1.2 million. Ouch, that message really did just self-destruct.

And now, because Monday was Labor Day, here are the Top Five Movies of the 2015 Summer Movie Pool!!!

#5. Pitch Perfect - $183.8 million
I know I was struggling to figure out what the fifth most popular film would be this summer, but there’s no way I was ever considering the big screen version of Glee to be that flick. Didn’t people “Don’t Stop Believing” with this choir stuff five years ago?! The Pitches took the summer by surprise and the under-performing runner-ups could never catch-up. The collective budgets of Mad Max, M:I, San Andreas, Ant-Man and T:G topped a billion dollars and they couldn’t touch a film that cost 3% of that... now that’s Pitch Perfect.

#4. Minions - $330 million
Minions stands as one of those films that feels like a win (no one ever sent back $330 million because it was an insult) but it begs the question... How much could it’ve made if if was actually good? I used to ask this same question to Episode I - The Phantom Menace. It was a huge success and made around $450 million... but what if it was good? How much more could it have made? Universal will be hoping people forget this forgettable film when Despicable Me 3 rolls out in two years... or will this film encourage them to forget why they found the Minions funny in the first place?

#3. Inside Out - $349.9 million
Outside of the outlier Toy Story 3, Inside Out is Pixar’s biggest hit ever... EVER! How did that happen to a film with a complex premise, not generally bankable voice talent, and without fart jokes?! The “other” animated family film of the summer somehow became “the” animated family of the summer. When you can accomplish that, sneaking Lewis Black into a movie for kids becomes easy the part.

#2. Avengers - Age of Ultron - $452.2 million
What was I saying about “And what if it was good?” Look, Avengers 2 didn’t do terrible. It just didn’t live up to the hype (which might’ve been impossible to do) and then delivered a film that felt like a bunch of patchy scenes. In many ways, that’s the classic example of a sequel. If it had actually been the #1 film of the season at this same total gross, would Age of Ultron still feel like so much of a disappointment? Yeah, you can’t make almost $200 million less and have people doing a happy dance. Then again, it still made $400 million more than Fantastic Four... so there’s that.

#1. Jurassic World - $647.6 million
If you wanted a movie that couldn’t be more clear, that was this movie. Kids sent off to an island where nothing can go wrong, check. Man-made dinosaurs that are even more terrifying than real dinosaurs, check. Cool gyro-sphere vehicles anyone would want to ride along in, check. Success-driven woman shown the value of what’s really important, check. Existential man who always just knows better than everyone else, because, well... he’s a man, check. The vapidness of materialism on display for all to see, check. Vapidness on display while still cashing in all those checks from their promotional partners, definitely check! There’s so many reasons why this film worked that it’s amazing that it took them two other lesser sequels to figure out what people want in a Jurassic Park movie... and that’s to make it a Jurassic World. In a summer of full of superheroes, 2015 was when dinosaurs ruled the earth.

by Matt Neuenburg on 09/11/2015

Movies Mentioned in this Post: Aloha, Ant-Man, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Entourage, Fantastic Four, Hot Pursuit, Inside Out, Insidious Chapter 3, Jurassic World, Mad Max: Fury Road, Magic Mike XXL, Minions, Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation, Pitch Perfect 2, Pixels, Poltergeist, San Andreas, Sinister 2, Spy, Straight Outta Compton, Ted 2, Terminator: Genisys, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Tomorrowland, Trainwreck
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