2017 Summer Movie Pool - Preview | Wonder Woman | Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 | Spider-Man: Homecoming

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2017 Summer Movie Pool - Preview

Wonder Woman
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Spider-Man: Homecoming
Despicable Me 3
Dunkirk
Cars 3
War for The Planet of The Apes
Transformers: The Last Knight
Girls Trip
The Mummy
Alien: Covenant
Captain Underpants
The Emoji Movie
Annabelle: Creation
Baywatch
Atomic Blonde
Snatched
All Eyez On Me
The Dark Tower
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
The House
Rough Night
The Hitman’s Bodyguard
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul
Detroit
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
The ice rink has melted, the curling stones have been put away, and finally, The Rock has come back to wearing something as revealing as his old wrestling tights in the Baywatch movie, so it's time for the 21th Annual Summer Movie Pool!

We've got just this week to get our picks in, so don't delay and tell me which films we’re going to be Summer Lovin’ down in the sand and which are Summer Dreams ripped at the seams.

Are the Guardians of the Galaxy fit to be the May Marvel kick-off film or are they more of a late summer dessert? Will old standbys like Pirates of the Caribbean and Transformers keep standing or is it time to send them to the nearest retirement home? Can Wonder Woman do something neither Batman and Superman could do... make a good movie?

Make your predictions, cast your votes, and take a dip in the 2017 Summer Movie Pool! It's the pool where all you have to do is guess the Top Five domestic money makers of the season. It's not like we're asking you to do something hard like explain why Taylor Swift makes hit records after breaking-up with John Mayer and Katy Perry releases trash.

In case if you don't know what's coming out for the summer season of 2017, here's a quick run-down of this year's crop!

*****

May 5, 2017

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
You’d hardly remember it after the success of last year’s Suicide Squad, but it used to be people actually liked the late season surprise smashes. Three years ago Chris Pratt and 70’s music turned around a glum summer and turned that frown upside down. This year, they’re here to start this party right!

May 12, 2017

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
It’s very important they added a subtitle to this movie since everyone already fell asleep after the words King Arthur. Knights of the round table, Excalibur, Merlin, Guinevere, and whatever else blah blah blah that we’ve seen and heard a million times before. Sure, sure, Guy Ritchie’s directing it. That and $1.50 still won’t buy you a Double Big Gulp at 7-Eleven (which I can surprisingly down at unnatural speeds).

Snatched
Has Amy Schumer already stepped into the Seth Rogen/Barbra Streisand The Guilt Trip pu pu platter? Pairing with Goldie Hawn as her mom sounds like what you do when you’re trying to come back from something that went wrong. Her Trainwreck movie made almost $150 million though. This is when you’re still hot! Learn from Melissa McCarthy, this isn’t when you make Tammy.

May 19, 2017

Alien: Covenant
Ridley Scott crapped the bed so much with his Prometheus film that it took five years to even get a sequel in theaters and an attempt to do everything possible, including changing the title back to Alien, to try and have viewers forgot the two hours of nonsense that last film was. This latest looks even worse as it’s like Ridley dropped the horny counselors from Crystal Lake on the alien planet. Having Jason kill-off those nimrods seemed like poetic justice. Having xenomorphs wipe them out just seems like a waste of rocket fuel and a NASA budget.


Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul
The best thing about this reboot is the rebellion it’s caused among kids 12-17 years-old. The #NotMyRodrick movement has rocked the teenagers of our nation way more than 13 Reasons Why. My own kids start physically shaking with an anger whenever they see the trailer for this re-casted Diary series. This is this generation’s first taste of the cold and bitter world of Hollywood replacing icons in vital roles. I can’t imagine how social media would’ve handled the “other” Darrin on Bewitched.

May 25, 2017

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Remember when the first Pirates made Johnny Depp the biggest box-office star on the silver screen? Now I can’t even remember the films he’s down between this and the last Pirates movie (Ok, there was Into the Woods, but The Lone Ranger, Dark Shadows and Transcendence? Yeah, not my fault). Dead men may tell no tales, but I think if you ever tried to binge-watch all five of these bloated movies in one sitting, you’d be the dead one.

Baywatch
Fresh off the Chips-reboot flop comes at least something way more relevant to Gen-Y: Baywatch! Can a raunchy and irreverent version of lifeguards work in a meta-way like the new 21 Jump Street franchise or is this film going to be the disaster we thought San Andreas was going to be for The Rock.

June 2, 2017

Wonder Woman
The scenes with Gal Gadot in Batman Vs. Superman were about the only rays of sunshine in the whole film. Let’s hope she can light-up a whole movie! While DC Movies still keep making money, we just want them to actually be good as well. Sure, this may look a lot like DC’s version of Captain America, but basically WW was the female version of Cap in the 40’s (she showed-up eight months later). Is this world big enough for two good looking people to kick-ass and wear red, white, and blue? You bet it is!

Captain Underpants
DreamWorks Animation had pretty much abandoned the summer season outside of their Madagascar and Shrek movies. Why they returned with a film based on a kids book series that has nothing actually to do with how the books are written (so says my 13 year-old), I have no idea. However, I hear Ice Age called a copyright infringement that they’re the only ones allowed to steal parents money with sub-par family films during the summer. Sounds about right.

June 9. 2017

The Mummy
Why, Tom Cruise, why?! You already own the world. You’ve already proven you can make whatever movie you want. You’ve already shown your career has gone longer at the top than anyone outside of Jack Nicholson. So, why, Tom… WHY?! Why did you have to take the only thing Brendan Fraser ever had going for him... The Mummy. Heck, Tom’s even six years older than Brendan, so it’s not like the series went with the “youth” movement. Ugh, poor Brenden. He was like a poor-man’s Chris Pratt 15-years before we even knew who Chris Pratt was.

June 16, 2017

Cars 3
Cars 2 has always stood out to me as “Oh, that’s what a Pixar film is like when they’ve just phoned it in.” Sadly, it wasn’t the first as I kinda felt the same about Monsters U and even last year’s Finding Dory. Still, if they’re going to keep going through the motions with Cars, what better way then copying the epic storyline of Rocky IV as the newer, faster, and improved cars are taking over the racetracks. “If I can change oil, and you can change oil... Everybody can change oil!!!”

All Eyez On Me
Straight Outta Compton came straight into box-office gold two years ago as it won over critics and fans with it’s retelling of NWA’s rise to West Coast Hip-Hop fame. Jump to the next decade and now we’ve got the bio-pic of the biggest West Coast wrapper of the 90’s (sorry, Snoop, it was 2Pac). Let’s hope this doesn’t go off-track like Cars.

Rough Night
Annie Lennox and Aretha Franklin may have been singing about “Sister’s Doing It For Themselves” 30 years ago, yet a lot of this decade’s “women’s” movies have still been directed by men. Women may have showing their comedic edge, but it was men still calling “cut.” At least that’s something different about this Girls Night Out that goes all wrong: It’s directed by Lucia Aniello of Comedy Central’s Broad City fame. Scarlett Johansson and Kate McKinnon bring the star power and I’m assuming Jillian Bell brings the f-bomb. Just a guess. It may be like her thing.

June 23, 2017

Transformers: The Last Knight
I don’t know what there’s left to say about this series. Would I be happier if the subtitle was “The Last One Ever We Promise?” Eh. If people want to make these films and others want to watch them, that is literally their dime, not mine. It’d be like getting upset that Disney made too many Herbie movies: “You’re tarnishing the great legacy of The Love Bug!” Psst, it wasn’t really all that great and neither were the Transformers. Just move along.

June 30, 2017

Despicable Me 3
After seeing the new trailer, I’m starting to wonder if they changed the whole movie. How’d we go from Gru battling an 80’s Super Villain to one of the most tired tropes in filmdom: the long lost twin? Look, I get that Universal didn’t even try to make Minions good, yet that was supposed to be because they were saving all the good stuff for this film! If this movie is just another cash grab, then it’s Despicable Them.

The House
Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler star as just another, normal loving couple trying to send their daughter to college... until they lose her college fund and try to earn it back by turning their basement into an underground casino. You know, this movie never would’ve happened if Bernie Sanders had been elected.

July 7, 2017

Spider-Man: Homecoming
This should’ve been called Spider-Man: Bail-Out. Sony so botched their last two “amazing” films that Marvel Studios came begging Sony to do them do all the work for them. Sony just has to cash the checks. It’s a nice gig if you can get it. For movie fans, we’re just excited about maybe having the first good Spidey film since Spider-Man 2.

July 14, 2017

War for The Planet of The Apes
If I’m following correct, Caesar learned humans can be mean in the first film. Then he learned apes can be mean in the second. Will he find out something else can be mean in the third... and is it cauliflower? This is definitely something worth fighting for to find out.

July 21, 2017

Dunkirk
I showed my ignorance of England’s WWII history by not knowing the story of Dunkirk and then a friend got all Winston Churchill on me and ranted about it’s importance for 30 minutes without commercials, which is not the way I like to learn about history. I don’t know why he got so upset. I know some things about England’s WWII history, like when those kids were shipped out of London and found the wardrobe that led them to Narnia. It’s not like I’m an idiot!

Girls Trip
Just like there were two asteroid movies (Armageddon and Deep Impact), two volcano movies (Dante’s Peak and, you know, Volcano), and two Wyatt Earp movies (Tombstone and, you guessed it, Wyatt Earp), we have two girls night out movies in the same summer! Whereas Rough Night has a mostly caucasian cast and a dead male stripper, this one has a mostly African-American cast and the strippers are still alive. Choose wisely.

July 28. 2017

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
I just realized I haven’t seen a Luc Besson film in 20 years since The Fifth Element. I’m not sure this is the film that’s going to break that streak.

Atomic Blonde
Now, Charlize Theron as an assassin with the director of John Wick at the helm, this is something I can get behind. Get with the program, Luc Besson... This is the kind of film you should be making!

The Emoji Movie
I guess The Angry Birds Movie was enough of a hit that we’re lucky enough to get this film this summer. I’m really looking forward to The Turn Your Phone To Silent Movie and Hey Siri, What’s The Weather Today Movie.

August 4, 2017

The Dark Tower
Wait, I thought It was the big Stephen King movie coming out this year? Outside of the Carrie remake, it’s been 10 years since the last non-VOD Stephen King films were released (1408 and The Mist). What’s old is new again. When I was 16 there was like a different King book or movie coming out every other month. Now my oldest son is 16 and I don’t think he even knows who Stephen King is, but he can name you all 11 Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. #NotMyRodrick

Detroit
Kathryn Bigelow’s follow-up to Zero Dark Thirty goes from the recent history to the ancient history of the 1967. This has the look and feel of a very important movie about a key moment in the civil rights struggle of our country... so why is this coming out in the summer when giant robots, aliens, and singing cartoons are cluttering the screens? Feels like a Fall/Awards Season film showing up at a pool party.

August 11, 2017

Annabelle: Creation
The Conjuring side-series continues as the only thing better than a creepy doll movie is a second creepy doll movie. More importantly, why is this the only major studio film coming out this weekend? Are we actually at the end of the summer movie season already?

August 18, 2017

The Hitman’s Bodyguard
A mismatched action buddy comedy with Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson? Yup, definitely, we’re at the end of the summer season. Wasn’t Deadpool suppose to resurrect Ryan’s career? It seems like he’s making exactly the same movies except the ones with Deadpool in the title are actually becoming hits. Weird.


by Matt Neuenburg on 04/30/2017

Movies Mentioned in this Post: Alien: Covenant, All Eyez On Me, Annabelle: Creation, Atomic Blonde, Baywatch, Captain Underpants, Cars 3, Despicable Me 3, Detroit, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul, Dunkirk, Girls Trip, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, Rough Night, Snatched, Spider-Man: Homecoming, The Dark Tower, The Emoji Movie, The Hitman’s Bodyguard, The House, The Mummy, Transformers: The Last Knight, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, War for The Planet of The Apes, Wonder Woman
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