Men In Black More Like Men In Beige - Week 4 | The Avengers | Men in Black 3 | Dark Shadows

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Men In Black More Like Men In Beige - Week 4

The Avengers
Men in Black 3
Dark Shadows
The Dictator
What to Expect When You're Expecting
Chernobyl Diaries
Pitbull couldn't do it. Josh Brolin couldn't do it. Even Nanny McPhee, err, I mean Emma Thompson couldn't do it. Only Will Smith, a tired premise, and even more tired alien cameos (seriously, calling Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber aliens is kinda like calling Kermit the Frog a Muppet) could make the smallest solo big film Memorial Day Weekend opening in 14 years. Yes, that film was... wait for it... Godzilla! The movie with Matthew Broderick as Dr. Niko Tatopoulos who was no relation to Balki Bartokomous from the '80s sitcom Perfect Strangers? That Godzilla?! Talk about a Nightmare on My Street.

It sounds "solid" when you hear Men in Black 3 disposed of $70 million over the extended holiday weekend. Not too shabby. The Fresh Prince still has it! Yet, the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie made almost $140 million this same weekend five years ago. MiB3 made $50 million less than the third X-Men movie Magneatoed in 2006. Even last year, The Hangover Part II and Kung Fu Panda 2 combined to make around $165 million. That's what was up for grabs with a single film poised to dominate the weekend. Instead, the secret society created to protect us from secret aliens collected $100 million less than that watermark. That's a "secret" that doesn't sound so solid.

It may not be all that bad for Men In Black 3 when all is said and done. It debuted right in line with Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, which battled to $70.1 million in the '09 Memorial Day Match-Up with Terminator: Salvation. NatM:BofS (now there's an acronym you don't read every day) ended-up with $177 million which sounds respectable. No one's going to be buying roses to put on Will Smith's grave, especially with Bad Boys 3 still to come, however there's little chance a film with less than $200 million is going to make the Top Five this season. The Men in Black may be the Men in the Red.

Chernobyl Diaries proved to be a horrible read. Maybe the mutating of fingers into something that looked like a webbed hand made it hard for the survivors to hold a pen or using a keyboard seemed problematic (no kidding, whole pages said nothing but "jkl; asdf yuio qwer"), but these diaries were far less appealing than princess, vampire, and wimpy kid versions. Booking only $9.3 million for its first four-day tour, I think the rest of the trips are going to be cancelled. Tourists are so dumb. If you wanted to see the site of a nuclear disaster, it's not hard to get to New Jersey. It's only hard to get out.

The Avengers continued to Shield the rest of America from lame cash-grab attempts at movies. Suiting-up $46.9 million over the long weekend, the touring version of Comic-Con has amassed $523.6 million in less than a month. They're amassing profits the way most people amass credit card debt. Actually, those two forces could be working together as people are going further into debt to make The Avengers profitable. Suze Orman will not be pleased.

Battleship proved to not be sea-worthy in its second outing. While it only dropped 46% over four days, it was more like a 57% drop if you went by the standard three day weekend count. Without people storming the castle to see MiB3, there was no reason for moviegoers to use Battleship as a lifeboat to in case MiB3 had a sold-out screen.

The Dictator dictated a meager hold over his constituents. When you're a $43.6 millionaire dealing with oil baron billionaires, it's hard to be taken seriously.

The shadows only got darker for Dark Shadows. The good news is that with $64.9 million it's made more than Speed Racer. The bad news is we're comparing its success against Speed Racer.

As we expected What to Expect When You're Expecting didn't have a rebirth during the long weekend. It's still waiting to get picked up in the delivery room with $23.9 million after 11 days.

The Top Five If Today Was Labor Day:

#1. The Avengers - $523.6 million
#2. Men in Black 3 - $70 million
#3. Dark Shadows - $64.9 million
#4. Battleship - $47.3 million
#5. The Dictator - $43.6 million

by Matt Neuenburg on 05/29/2012

Movies Mentioned in this Post: Battleship, Chernobyl Diaries, Dark Shadows, Men in Black 3, The Avengers, The Dictator, What to Expect When You're Expecting
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