Thor A Bore? - Week 1 | Thor | Jumping the Broom

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Thor A Bore? - Week 1

Thor
Jumping the Broom
THOR A BORE?

The summer season began with all the excitement of a Piccolo Pete firework that petered-out a little too soon. Marvel superhero movies had been dominate over the opening weekend of summer for four years running. Spider-Man 3, Iron Man, Wolverine, and Iron Man 2 opened with $151 mill, $98.6 mill, $85.6 mill, and $128.1 mill respectively. So when the latest film in their "can't miss" cannon comes in at $65.7 mill, something is rotten in the state of Asgard.

While it may be funny to think that audiences can accept radioactive spider bites, eccentric billionaires who make fancy gadgets, and mutants who grow claws, yet seem to draw the line at mythological deities, that may have played a factor. I can explain Iron Man to my dad in about one sentence whereas he asked for 15 years in every phone call, "So, what is it you do again?" when I worked in the web industry. Some things are just too weird to comprehend. Norse mythology and the internet just being two of them.

Meanwhile, in counter-programming land, Jumping the Broom jumped over Something Borrowed with $15.2 million compared to $13.9 million in the battle of wedding comedies. See, Rom-Coms can open mediocrely just fine without Matthew McConaughey or Kate Hudson. Oh wait, Kate was in one of these? Oh, well, then they can open just the same with her as they do… with her. Um, yeah.

The Top Five If Today Was Labor Day:

#1. Thor - $65.7 million
#2. Jumping The Broom - $15.2 million
#3. Something Borrowed - $13.9 million
#4. n/a
#5. n/a

This Week
Our wedding-palooza continues with Bridesmaids. What's August going to be, our divorce-palooza? Anyway, I appreciate the effort to embrace equality and allow female comic actresses the chance to be as loopy and stupid as their male comic actors. That's very commendable. I believe if the suffragettes would've been given a choice between the right to vote or the freedom to make burp and fart jokes, they would've taken burp and fart jokes. Susan B. Anthony was so like that.

On the other side we have an old-fashioned futuristic spaghetti western, Priest. Paul Bettany plays the ninja priest who goes out into the forbidden zone to rescue his niece from the vampire army. Now why didn't Dan Brown get into any of this during The DaVinci Code? So much more interesting than all that Illuminati back-story…

Extra Bonus Section
Since many of you ask what my picks are every season, here's what I went with and why… With insight like this, how can I possibly lose for a 28th consecutive time?!

This was an extremely tough season to choose. Usually I see seven to eight films that have a chance and then whittle them down to my five. This time I started with 12.

I played the "too much of a good thing" card with the super hero movies and didn't pick a one. I see them all making around $175 mil but none seemed to have the "mega" $300 million gross in them. That got me down to eight.

While I have high hopes for Cowboys & Aliens and especially Super 8, both seem to be surrounded by other big films and won't have the window Inception had last year to be both good and able to consistently pull people back week after week. I see them in the $175-$200 range.

That left me with all sequels left. While I think Kung Fu Panda was better than Cars, I think both sequels will make about what the first one made and Cars made more than KFP, so KFP became my alternate.

#5. Cars 2 – Really tough call. In my opinion, Cars is the one least favorite Pixar film for adults, whereas all ages love Up, Nemo, Incredibles, Toy Story, etc. The sequel seems even worse as it looks like they made an animated version of a Larry The Cable Guy movie. Uncool. Still, marketing and merchandise means parents will at least have to take their kids once to this one. Guessing around $250 mill.

#4. The Hangover 2 – Most of me thinks this could fall flat like a Night at the Museum 2 (some things just work once), however a lot of people really liked the first one, haven't gotten tired of it, and can't wait to see what happens the second time. Because of that, I'll roll with it and hope I don't need a roofie to forget I made this pick. Guessing around $275 mill.

#3. Pirates 4 – I dabbled between Harry and Pirates as my two and three for awhile. I'm assuming the 3D, IMAX, and finality of the Harry franchise helps push that flick a little higher than this one. To be fair, after Pirates 3, if this one can get to my guesstimate of $300 million, Disney will be very, very happy.

#2. Harry 7 part 2 – These films are so consistent, even though this is the final there's no guarantee of a higher gross, yet I'm hoping houses of Slitherin and whatnot have viewing parties again and again to enjoy it in the theaters as long as they can. Guessing $315 mill

#1. Transformers 3 – Unless I'm stuck on a cross-country flight again and my only other choice is a Mandy Moore/Robin Williams comedy (the scenario in which I saw Trans 2), I know I won't be seeing this movie. Still, as I told my wife, it took 14 days for Trans 2 to make $300 million. I repeat, it took only 14 days for Trans 2 to make $300 million. There's no way I wasn't putting this as my top flick. Nothing else will even come close. Guessing $366 million.

by Matt Neuenburg on 05/09/2011

Movies Mentioned in this Post: Jumping the Broom, Thor
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